A Slytherin's Grope
by badgirl-250
Summary: Malfoy and Hermione oneshot, Hermione is woken to Malfoy on top of her, groping a feel...
1. Chapter 1

**A Slytherin's Grope**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

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**(In Hermione's bedroom)**

"Malfoy, why is your hand up my shirt?"

"Just feeling around Granger."

"Mhmmm...MALFOY?!"

"Yeah?"

"WHY ARE YOU FEELING AROUND DOWN THERE?!"

"Oh."

"OH?"

"I wanted to touch you."

"DOWN THERE?!"

"Would you prefer up here?"

"OUT!"

"Ok."

_(Moments later)_

"MALFOY GIVE ME BACK MY PANTIES!"

**(Heads' Common Room)**

"Malfoy?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you hovering above me?"

"Because I wanted to say sorry."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Mhmmm..."

"Sorry..."

"Ok....

"........"

"Malfoy?"

"Yeah Granger?"

"Why are you still here?"

"I feel like kissing you."

"MALFOY STOP GROPING MY ASS!"

_(__Moments later)_

"Can I have my kiss now?"

"Why don't you-"

_(Kissing)_

"Wow..."

"You like?"

"I would if you would STOP GROPING MY ASS!"

**(Library)**

"Granger?"

"What Malfoy?!"

"Are you busy?"

"I'm studying."

"Ok...."

"Malfoy, quit breathing down my neck to look at my boobs."

"Gosh Granger, can't you give a guy some material to wank about?"

"Why would you want to wank about me?"

"Because you're cute, and besides, I like your ass."

"Geez Malfoy, thanks!"

"Granger?"

"WHAT?!"

"How bout you study me?"

"...sure."

**(Quidditch Field)**

"Malfoy?"

"Hmmm...?"

"Why were you moaning yesterday?"

"I was wanking about you."

"Oh...Malfoy?"

"What now Granger?"

"Would this give you something to wank about?"

"Oh bloody hell, nice tits Granger, just pull it down a little more..."

**(2 Years Later)**

"GIVE ME MY UNDERWEAR MALFOY!"

"Sure."

"You'll give it back?"

"Of course, on one condition."

"You can't expect me to have sex with you after you stole my underwear!"

"How bout you marry me instead?"

"......"

"Granger?"

"Ok."

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**A/N: I hope this didn't have too much M rated stuff, and this story idea was inspired by another story. I hoped you guys liked it. A bit out of character I believe, but I hope it makes you guys laugh! REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A Slytherin's Grope**

_Sequel_**  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

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"Sweetie?"

"What is it 'Mione?"

"Am I fat?"

"Wonderfully plump and curvy."

"......"

_(Hermione cries)_

"Hermione? Dear? You do realize you're crying on my expensive new silk robes don't you?"

"YOU JACKASS!"

"No need to be rude."

"NO NEED TO BE RUDE? YOU CALLED ME FAT!"

"I believe the terms I used were wonderfully 'plump' and 'curvy'!"

"THAT'S IT! I WANT A DIVORCE!"

"My Mrs. Malfoy, that's going awfully far isn't it?"

"Awfully far?! YOU CALLED ME FAT!"

"That doesn't mean you have to pack up and leave."

"Good point, I'll just leave all my stuff with you, seeing how you bought all of it!"

"At least take the lingerie, how do you expect us to have wild make-up sex if you don't wear it?"

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO NONCHALANT ABOUT THIS!"

"Because I love that delicious ass of yours."

_(Hermione cries)_

"What is it now?!"

"You said my ass was delicious."

"Isn't this the part you yell at me, and I grope your ass?"

"Draco! Sweetie! Why would I do that? That was sooo sweet of you to say!"

"Are you drunk?"

"Are you trying to say that I'm mental?!"

"Ummm...no?"

"DRACO MALFOY!"

"That shirt looks good on you."

"Oh, thanks! I bought it a few days ago."

"How much did it cost?"

"Fifty galleons."

"WHAT?!"

"Oh here's lunch, I made your favorite! Pheasant with cranberry sauce!"

"What's the mustard and honey for?"

"For me silly."

"You're going to eat that pheasant with mustard and honey?!"

"It tastes amazing! Want a bite?"

"I'll hold you to your word."

"Ok!"

_(After Hermione finishes eating)_

"Draco what's this?!"

"A thong."

"I know that, I've worn plenty of them to recognize one! Why is it in your drawer?!"

"I bought it for you."

"Uh-huh. Than why does it have 'macho man' written on the tag?"

"Ummm....a coworker gave it to me?"

"WHAT BLOODY FEMALE GAVE THIS TO YOU?! WHY THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU ACCEPT IT?!"

"Well I couldn't say no."

"Oh bloody hell yes you could! You better hope I don't castrate you!"

"I love assertive women."

"WHERE THE HELL ARE THOSE BLOODY DIVORCE PAPERS?!"

"How about I sing for you?"

"NOOO! DON'T!"

"Why the hell not?!"

"Well, you sing like a dying banshee..."

"I DO NOT!"

"YOU DO TOO! Besides you can't even sing!"

"I CAN TOO!"

"There once was a woman so fair, with big, sexy, bushy brown hair. She has a nice hiney, her name is Hermione, and her breasts make a wonderful pair.-IS NOT A SONG!"

"WELL AT LEAST I DON'T MUMBLE IN MY SLEEP!"

"....that's so sweet!"

_(Hermione cries)_

"Why are you crying now?!"

"Because that was so...touching! You notice when I talk in my sleep?!"

"Hermione, you've been acting weird all day! What's wrong with you?!"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME! JUST BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT DOESN'T MEAN SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH ME!"

"YOU'RE PREGNANT?!"

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**A/N: I had a wonderful response to the first chapter, and a lot of people asked me for a sequel. Again I had the same intent on making you laugh, and I'll admit that the sequel is not as good as the original. REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A Slytherin's Grope**

_Chapter Three_

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**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter! **

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"Hey Daddy?"

"What is it Verity?"

"I think there's a monster in the house!"

"Sweetie, there's no such things as monsters...er...well there are, but none your Daddy can't fight off!"

"But I heard it last night! It was hurting Mommy!"

"Verity, no one was hurting your Mommy."

"Then why was Mommy yelling 'Ahhh' and 'Ohhh'?"

"Mommy was making a baby...with Daddy."

"Oh."

_(Silence)_

"So what do you want for breakfast?"

"PANCAKES!"

"That's my girl!"

_(Moments later)_

"Hey Daddy, can I ask you another question?"

"Shoot!"

"Where do babies come from?"

_(Draco drops a plate of pancakes)_

"DADDY! YOU DROPPED MY PANCAKES!"

"Sorry Sweetie."

"So?"

"So what?"

"Where do they come from?"

"Errr...ask your Mommy."

"Mommy said to ask you."

"Oh, well then..."

"So..."

"Ummm..."

"Daddy!"

"Well when a man meets a woman, and they love each other, they ummm..."

"They what?"

"They ask a Goblin for a baby."

"A Goblin?"

"Yep."

"Ok...what else?"

"Well then the Goblin tells a Dragon, who flies to the factory, and gets a baby."

"That's it?!"

"Yep. That's it."

"How do the babies get down?"

"On tiny brooms."

"How does the Dragon know what baby belongs to what parent?"

"Name tags."

"Who puts on the name tags?"

"The head of the factory."

"And whose the-"

"Verity! ENOUGH!"

"Fine."

"Thank you."

_(1 hour later)_

"Daddy?"

"What now?"

"Can I ask one more question? Pretty please?!"

"Bloody hell, fine!"

"How are babies made?"

"Errr...well...it depends on the man and woman who want the baby how they make it."

"Oh...so how do you and Mommy do it?"

"We just...do it!"

"Daddy, that's not an answer!"

"It's hard to explain."

"Can I watch you do it next time."

"Sure."

"Ok, can I watch TV?"

"Sure."

(TV turns on and a woman in labor screams)

"DADDY YOU LIED! BLOODY HELL! GROSS!"

"OH MERLIN!"

(switch channel to an ad)

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LIED TO ME DADDY!"

"I'm sorry Sweetie! Don't be mad!"

"Anything else you lied about?!"

(TV Show)

"Oh Bob! I love you!"

"Shirley, I love you too!"

"Have sex with me Bob, so that we can make babies!"

(Back to present situation)

"AHHH!!!"

"DRACO MALFOY!"

"BLOODY HELL!"

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**A/N: Probably the worst one yet, but i really tried hard. It wasn't easy, but I tried. I have another sequel ready, the next one is about lingerie and Verity. If you review quickly with a lot of feedback, I'll update faster. Another quick request. If anyone has any ideas or requests for a short story including almost any Harry Potter couples, I would love to have a shot at them. PLEASE! So REVIEW! **


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